Rest of Jess

The loves and dreams of a California girl.

ever since i heard the howling wind
i didn’t need to go where a bible went 
but then you know your gifts seemed heaven sent
just lead me to a choler, dad, thats the thing

i don’t know how you house the sin
but you’re free now
i was never sure how much of you i could let in
am i free now
won’t you settle down baby here your love has been
heavenly father
it’s defiantly lava
why you don’t carry other names

heard about a day where it dropped the Know
to go another day as we learn to close

cause I’m a known coward in a coward wind
but you’re free now
you turn around now and you count to 10
to see you go now
well i know now honey that i can’t pretend
heavenly father
is whose brought to his autumn
and love is left in end

i just been up here for god damn years 
can you see now?
filling up hulls with god damn fears
i am free now
i know about it darling i been standing here
heavenly father
is all that he offers
a safety in the end

I don’t want to get over you
I guess I could take a sleeping pill
And sleep at will
And not have to go through what I go through
I guess I should take Prozac, right,
And just smile all night
At somebody new,
Somebody not too bright
But sweet and kind
Who would try to get you off my mind
I could leave this agony behind
Which is just what I’d do
If I wanted to,
But I don’t want to get over you

Cause I don’t want to get over love
I could listen to my therapist,
Pretend you don’t exist
And not have to dream of what I dream of;
I could listen to all my friends
And go out again
And pretend it’s enough,
Or I could make a career of being blue
I could dress in black and read Camus,
Smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth
Like I was 17
That would be a scream
But I don’t want to get over you.

The star maker says, “It ain’t so bad”
The dream maker’s going make you mad
The spaceman says, “Everybody look down, it’s all in your mind”

Well, you call me your baby,
When you’re holding my hand.
But the way that you hurt me,
I just don’t understand.

Well, you say that you need me,
Like the ocean needs sand.
But they way you mistreat me,
I just don’t understand.

Well, you know that I love you.
More than anyone can.
But a one-sided love,
I just don’t understand.

And I’ve been digging that hole tonight
On my knees beneath the moon
All I need is a place to lie
Guess a grave will have to do
Won’t you give me two minutes please
Just let me cover my eyes
All the hammer and scrape
Has been chipping away
At the lustre of life

So I will but I am so tired
If I can shake myself
I can dance with you

Though my body is far from old
I’m bound to useless youth
And I can’t fake a fist to throw
Through the crust of the earth
If you find me don’t wake me
I can’t be shaken awake
If you don’t stare at the dark
You can never feel bleak
Life starts to lose its taste

So I will but I am so tired
If I can shake myself
I can dance with you.

Let’s pretend I’m attractive and then,
You won’t mind, you can twist for a while.

It’s the night, I can be who you like,
And I’ll quietly leave before it gets light.

So twist and whisper the wrong name,
I don’t care and nor do my ears,
Twist yourself around me,
I need company, I need human heat,
I need human heat.

Well this is just a simple song,
To say what you’ve done.
I told you about all those fears,
And away they did run.
You sure must be strong.
And you feel like an ocean, being warmed by the sun.

I know that things can really get rough, when you go it alone.
Don’t go thinking you gotta be tough, and play like a stone.
Could be there’s nothing else in our lives, so critical,
As this little home.